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The Most Literal Blog Post in the Universe

...that's me in the spotlight, losing my train of thought

…that’s me in the spotlight, losing my train of thought

“I do not consider myself a literal genius.” –Lil Wayne

It just so happens that as I was sitting at my desk suffering from writer’s block, if such a thing actually exists–I’m not convinced it does…but I am convinced that there are times when: My brain + An implement used to translate imagination to reading material = Nada, that my friend JD texted me.  I explained to him my conundrum.  He replied with the advice that I should write something abstract.  He then gave me a topic suggestion, which I thought was a stolen line from a Roger Miller song…he denies this, but I think he is bluffing; banking on the fact I won’t check.  It’s a safe bet.  So I decided to take JD’s advice (in a way).  And now, for your reading pleasure, *the most literal blog post in the universe:

This is a blog post.  I wrote it at 5:35p (pacific) on September the 3rd two-thousand thirteen.  It won’t be available for you to read until 6:00a (pacific) on September the 4th two-thousand thirteen on account of technology.  The bulk of the preceding is moot.

*Disclaimer: The terms: Most, Blog, Post, and Universe are not meant to be literally interpreted.  Also, Literal.  The first one, not the second.  I am not delusional enough to think this the first time someone’s used this idea to **fill space on their blog.  However, I did not get this idea from reading any materials either on-line or off so please do not contact me with regard to my stealing your idea.  Also, if you are afraid of someone stealing this idea, you may want to come up with other ideas…I recommend: The Reader’s Digest, it is witty and no one will catch you recycling content…***3/4 of all my blog posts are stolen from: Life in these United States.  Lastly, please do not steal this idea…it is being considered for a made-for-T.V. movie that I consider a strong candidate for: The 2nd Best Marionette-Puppet Movie Ever Made…I can almost smell the daytime Emmy…or I’ve mistaken it for the smell of my own desperation…

**Using superfluous marginally-coherent rhetoric to fill one’s blog is shitty behavior.  It should in no way be rewarded.  Particularly not with a Day Time Emmy.

***I have never stolen an idea for my blog from The Reader’s Digest, this sentence was meant to further illustrate my ignorance of fractions…I’m not sure if 3/4s of 91 blog posts equals 0%, but it doesn’t sound right…


About pats0

Pats0 is a writer who is informed by a punk-rock ethos, and a hatred for group-think. He is the founding member of The Pirate-Clown Guild of Free-Thinkers, an aegis from under which he soils the internet with his thoughts. Welcome.

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