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And You Thought Jeff Bezos Was Crazy

"No, of course you didn't think that."

“No, of course you didn’t think that.”

“Men have become the tools of their tools.” —Henry David Thoreau

One thing that I hate, I’ve been noticing lately, is streaming videos where the supporting site puts a countdown to the next video.  It doesn’t give you a choice…it’s like: “You have 15 seconds to choose to not watch this video or I’m going A Clockwork Orange on your passive ass, your pass-assive.”  And, also there is some spinning animation trying to hypnotize you via your periphery. 

It doesn’t even have to be something unpleasant…it might be a video that sounds like an enjoyable watch to me.  It doesn’t matter; I turn into an idiot, frantically trying to click out of the screen despite the fact that all of my fingers have turned into thumbs and both of my thumbs into Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots that inevitably turns into a drunken brawl across the width of my desk…all the while the evolved parts of my brain are processing a million and a half “Red wire/Green wire” hero ideations and my simian parts scream: “No I’m not going to watch Travis Pastrana do the mega-ramp on a fuckin’ big-wheel!” 

A more civilized scene would be achieved by putting one of the monkeys from the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey in the driver’s seat of KITT from television’s Knight Rider…just a regular monkey sitting in the driver’s seat of a Black 1982 talking Trans-Am…I look like: if you gave a computer mouse to the last resident of Jamestown as he was eating the best-man from his wedding…a person so close to him he was saved for the final meal…that’s what I look like while trying to click out of the window…

Then when I finally successfully stop the video countdown, and I’ve calmed myself, and the restraints are removed; I’m like: “Oh look, Travis Pastrana does the mega-ramp on a big wheel…that looks good *sha-clicky*.” 


About pats0

Pats0 is a writer who is informed by a punk-rock ethos, and a hatred for group-think. He is the founding member of The Pirate-Clown Guild of Free-Thinkers, an aegis from under which he soils the internet with his thoughts. Welcome.

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