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The Day I Saved that Boy From the Flaming Life-Raft

This is where they make flammable used to be located in Appleton it's in China

This is where they make flammable life-rafts…it used to be located in Appleton Wisconsin…now it’s in China

“Look at these assholes” –Francis Darjeeling Limited

So it’s Monday evening…around 5:30p, so maybe it’s night…I never know when the formal cut-off is.  The point is I am usually putting the final touches on a blog post I’ve spent the week writing, reading, and re-writing.  But I haven’t written anything this week…I was semi-preparing for the impending Easter Service at the church where I attend…I co-lead the music part of the service with my friend Mike and his band.  I really don’t think that had a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t write anything this week.  If it played a part it was a small one.  I’ve noticed that I don’t like having a lot of irons in the fire.  I like being focused on one creative venture at a time.  This lacks commercial value, I would guess.  Maybe it’s just laziness…which also lacks commercial value.  Anyhow, the music went really well so that’s great but now it’s over and I’m thinking about my 6a pacific time deadline…like most deadlines–it’s not getting any further away.

I wouldn’t say I didn’t do any writing this week, I’m working on a piece that I don’t know what it is yet.  It’s oppressively personal and mayhaps not good blog-fodder.  At any rate, it is not ready.

But really what does any of this have to do with the post at hand?  The truth is: I don’t know because I don’t know what this post is about…usually by this time I’ve blindly stumbled across a topic and I home in on it and erase all of the paragraphs that precede my new-found topic.  It hasn’t happened yet.

Nobody promised you that the democratization of content was going to be all canned-hams and plaques…occasionally it’s just some douche who is more concerned with an arbitrary deadline than producing content of any significance…

I think I’m pushing around 70 posts…which is a shitty number as I’ve been at this for nearly a year.  I have learned a great deal just from sitting and staring at a brightly lit screen with a blinking cursor silently judging me like a lazy strobe…stupid cursor, you’ll never induce a seizure at that rate…but to be safe, I write with my wallet in my mouth.

I’ve learned things like word combinations that consistently drive Googlers to my blog.  My most successful combo?  Hobo-Sex…it was a term that I used to describe the smell in a punk club.  People google that term a lot…my guess is their curiosity has little to do with Punk clubs.  I’ve never googled the term myself, so I don’t know what the results are, but I do know that my blog is one of the results one gets from searching said term.

I’ve learned that readers tend to lock on to the one thing in your post with which they take issue.  Even if it isn’t important.

Do you think that the bulk of spammers write in eloquent English with a complete lack of clumsy diction?  Well you’re wrong.  It is really tough to try and figure out the point toward which is driving.  It’s rarely apropos of the link that they provide.  So that’s another thing I’ve learned.

People like to read content that affirms their preconceived notions.  I’ve never had a discussion with someone about something I’ve written where-in the veracity of said thing was called into question.  It’s always a discussion about whether or not so and so liked what I wrote.  I suppose if you erase the element of learning from the discipline of reading it does make it easier to do.  But it seems to me that it also makes it more boring.  I like being challenged but maybe that’s weird.

One thing I haven’t learned: “I” before “E” except after “C” or when sounded as “A” as in neighbor and weigh.  I know what you’re thinking: “How could you say that you haven’t learned this when you’re writing it right into a blog post?”  Hubris.  How strange is it that the phrase mnemonic device, a term that describes a short-cut for learning hard to remember details, is so hard to spell correctly by memory?  Answer: Not very.

Folks seem to like it when my posts are more auto-biographical.  But I like it when they’re less auto-biographical.  I like my voice to be auto-biographical but the topics to have more range.  I’ve learned that.  But I haven’t learned how to overcome this issue.  So that’s a compound paragraph.  I told you something I learned and something I haven’t learned.

I’ve learned that my skin needs to be thicker.

I’ve learned that I shouldn’t be afraid of who I am or what I think.  It is no more or less valid than what anyone else thinks.  Well, it is a little more valid than what some people think…I mean come on; let’s be honest.  Have you heard Michele Bachmann lately?

I’m thankful to have a forum.  I know that this post wasn’t brimming with the heart-stopping blunt-force honesty served up with the razor sharp wit to which you’ve all grown accustomed.  But I hope it wasn’t a complete waste of time for you either.  But as the saying goes: Hope in one hand…


About pats0

Pats0 is a writer who is informed by a punk-rock ethos, and a hatred for group-think. He is the founding member of The Pirate-Clown Guild of Free-Thinkers, an aegis from under which he soils the internet with his thoughts. Welcome.

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